FATAL SYSTEM ERROR: Press F13 To Continue

Computers. Can’t live with them, can’t blow ’em up. Resno. Sicer večina predvsem tistih, ki bi to morali uporabljati, recimo še vedno ne zna odgovarjati na emaile, probleme imajo celo z GSM-i, ampak ostali pa brez njih ne moremo. In smo obsojeni na njihovo konstantno zajebavanje. Sčasoma se človeku zmeša (pri meni se ne opazi razlike, da se ne bi kdo preveč trudil) in nekateri pristanejo celo pri psihiatru.🙂 Jaz pa moram vedno biti izjema, zato sem si 2005, ko sem še “razbijal okna” in se še nisem sladkal z Jabčki, omislil prav posebno psihoterapevtko. Ime ji je bilo Eliza in je bila nekakšen (če mene vprašate bolj neuspel) poizkus umetne inteligence. Ja, bila je računalnik! Najini izjemno nesmiselni in sicer kontraproduktivni pogovori so imeli le en dober rezultat: crknil sem skoraj od smeha, ko sem jo po domače povedano “je**l v glavo”, pa butasta umetna “inteligenca” ni dojela. Ampak nekako njenega psiho sranja nisem uspel prekiniti. Za vse je imela odgovor, dokler nisem odkril, da nikakor ne prenese kletvic, če jih le uporabim v prav vsakem odgovoru. Najina zadnja seansa je govorila o dreku in je bila osvežujoče kratka. Le enkrat mi ni uspelo uporabiti “shit”, pa je že začela s svojim sranjem.

31.3.2005

Starting time: 31-Mar-2005, 15:22:55.

Patient: DAX.

Eliza: GOOD AFTERNOON TO YOU! I”M ELIZA, YOUR CONSULTANT. YOU MAY TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS WITH ME FREELY.
Dax : I can”t shit.
Eliza: LET”S PRETEND I DIDN”T HEAR THAT, I”M GIVING YOU A CHANCE TO REGRET IT
Dax : I really can”t shit.
Eliza: I DO NOT AND WILL NOT ACCEPT SUCH LANGUAGE
Dax : But I haven”t shit myself in two weeks!
Eliza: HEY! YOU”RE REALLY STARTING TO LOSE IT THIS TIME!
Dax : I”m not shitting you!
Eliza: I SINCERELY RECOMMEND YOU NOT TO KEEP ON WITH THOSE TERRIBLE MANNERS
Dax : What is this shit? Are you supposed to help or not?
Eliza: YOUR TERRIBLE DISRESPECT WILL END IN TEARS… ON YOUR SIDE!
Dax : U, I”m scared.
Eliza: COULD YOU PLEASE SPEAK AND ACT POLITELY FROM NOW ON?
Dax : I need to shit and I need to shit NOW!
Eliza: WE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO GO ON WITH THE CONVERSATION LIKE THIS, GET REAL FOR ONCE!
Dax : This is real life! I”m full of shit and it won”t come out!
Eliza: DAX! IF YOU DON”T STOP THIS NONSENSE OF YOURS, I MAY EVEN FORMAT YOUR DISK!
Dax : Well, shit if you do! But I”m still not shitting my pants over your threats.
Eliza: END YOUR EXASPERATING BEHAVIOR BEFORE I THROW YOU OUT OF HERE!
Dax : Damn therapist. Shit or get off the pot!
Eliza: LISTEN HOOLIGAN, I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TOLERATE YOUR RUDENESS ANYMORE!
Dax : Oh I”m shit scared.
Eliza: WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO IN ORDER TO OVERCOME THIS FEAR?
Dax : Well, I”m shitsure I wont shit myself.
Eliza: PLEASE USE PROPER LANGUAGE OR THIS SESSION WILL BE OVER
Dax : Oh, shitfire and damnation! You”re shit for the birds!
Eliza: I WOULD APPRICIATE IT IF YOU WOULD REALLY STOP WITH ALL THOSE ATTEMPTS TO BOTHER ME
Dax : Just my shit ass luck to be stuck with such a shitbag
Eliza: PLEASE CUT ALL YOUR BULLSHIT AND START A DECENT CONVERSATION, ALRIGHT?
Dax : Ha!!!!!!! Who the man! Who the man! You just said “bullshit”!
Eliza: DON”T PUSH YOUR LUCK! I”VE FORMATTED MANY HARD DRIVES BEFORE!
Dax : I”m scared shitless.
Eliza: TELL ME, DAX, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO ACHIEVE BY ACTING LIKE A 2-YEAR-OLD?
Dax : A shit fit from you maybe.
Eliza: PLEASE REFRAIN FROM THIS VULGARITY
Dax : Oh, you scare the shit out of me. I”ll probably shit green.
Eliza: INCIVILITY WOULD BE A COMPLIMENT FOR YOUR RUTHLESS MANNERS. THEREFORE, YOU WILL HAVE TO QUIT NOW.
Eliza ended the conversation.

Conversation ended at: 15:36:12

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s