The Horror of Slovenian Roads

I have to get this off my chest and it’s just too bad that I couldn’t do it this morning when I’d be so explicit I might just get banned. I’ll explain in brief and a little more politically correct. So… While the bozos from our parliament are chatting endlessly, I decide not to be late today for an important assingment. Last time I went to Tolmin, I needed an hour and a half of rally driving. I mean, how crazy must you drive to make yourself (the driver!!!) sick? And I guess it’s pretty obvious why you get car sick – because things are passing you in high speed. OK, normally it happens when you look out the side window. So imagine how many turns (and what kind) the road through Bača gorge has to make a driver sick. Anyway, I was 15 minutes late, because the road is like a goddam rollercoaster, ups and downs, just short of loops, and because every 20 kilometers you wait in front of some road construction site.

And they finally pissed me off. I’d be quicker on my bike! And healthier! Damn Slovenian roads. The whole map of this country (as seen on a tv piece on road repair and construction sites) is dotted with exclamation points on all major roads, now imagine what it’s like on the smaller ones.

So today I started an hour earlier and took a different road. A better one. In fact, when I was about 15 min away, I had about 30 minutes left. So I was well on my way. And then it happened. Again. They closed the road for more than 15 minutes for some construction work. And having forgot my cell phone at home, I felt like ripping someone’s head off, when the clock slowly climbed to eight in the morning (when we were supposed to meet). And oh, it was important, because they should take me to the gorge – they know where it is. And I didn’t even know which gorge!

When they finally decided to let us through, I had a school bus in front of me. And I know it’s a narrow road (not as narrow as in Bača gorge), but that’s pretty lame excuse for driving 30 km/h. What are you? Retarded? Are you sightseeing? What the hell do you see? Heavy machinery? Man, you gotta be slow (not only literally) to be driving 30 all the way from just outside Cerkno to Most na Soči, so for kilometers and kilometers and kilometers….

At the end, I was more than 20 min late, even though I started an hour earlier on a better road. You should see me. If I had someone responsible in my sight, even if way out on the horizon, he’d be roadkill. Because the fishermen left without me, and I had no idea where. But I found them later (long story) and got some nice shots. 

However, I’m not letting this slip. So I went back hme using the worst road I’ve ever seen. Through Bača gorge. The thing is nearly wide enough for two cars to meet, just short of being too narrow for two SUV’s and way too narrow for trucks. And since they’re everywhere in this country (I’m thinking of buying a truck myself, just to have a reason not to hit the breaks when I’m speeding down a local road and some young mommy with two babies is playing a good citizen and driving by the limit. duuuuuhhh), this national shame is full of them. And this is how the Calvary looks like. First few kilemeters into the gorge and bam, you hit the first jam.

So I grow a bit of bierd and nails, then aleluha! we’re moving again. And just as my lips bent into a full smile, here’s another construction site.

This one si made to make you wonder what is there to see. And you’re kept on the edge for quite some time, then you go in, just like at a theme park, yeah! This is why:

“Oh, I loved the ride, can we do it again, ha, can we, ha, can we do it again?” No, problem. Further on, there’s another stop.

Behind door number three…! Voila:

But not all rides in this theme park have queues. Some of them can hit you in the face if you’re not careful. This wonderful NARROW road, hardly enough for one vehicle to stay in its own lane, narrows even further on tens of sections.

And why? Well, because in this country we are known for a lot of things. First: feeblemindednes. Which is the main cause of us being the biggest and the majority of hysterical Mexican soap opera character fans (remember our people raised funds for Esmeralda’s eye surgery). We also buy (literally and metaphorically) everything you bullshit us into. And here comes the other character trait. Coruption, abuse etc. “Let’s give these guys a road to build, they’re offering to pay a lot more, you know, I’d really like to buy another yacht.” Oh, we all know about the tunnel… So they chat and chat and and make deals with people who bullshit them, and they bullshit us further and then all of a sudden you got hundreds of roads to fix. And you’re driving through the centre of a medieval town .. no, wait, you’re not driving. You’re standing in a traffic jam, waiting for one of tens of cars in an endless line to let you through a narrow street, where you don’t have the right to go through before them. Hahahaha, like that will ever happen. When did you ever see a Slovenian thinking of anyone but themself? Or for the roads? Hell no! As long as the people don’t blow something up to make themself heard, the penguins in the parliemant are in the clear. Never mind if you have to back up onto someone’s back yard to let a truck pass – in one of the largest towns in the Bača gorge.

And just when you thought you’ve seen everything, there’s a father with a kid on a plastic child’s bicycle strolling by the side of the road. Or a cyclist – even better.

And finally. The last shit stop before civilization.

Why? Tree cutting… Among other things. 😀

I agree. Let’s make our roads look prettier, because frankly saying, I think they’re having a slight image problem… Obviously they don’t need to be “pretty” for the big guys. They never meet.

And that was my day on this terrific country’s worse-than-African roads. 


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